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Feb. 6th, 2019 06:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nola_eustacePrivate
It hasn't been as bad as I thought it'd be. That counts as a silver lining, right?
Father is more distant than disgusted. He's watching me, closely, but at least right now he's pretending like he's not. I'm not sure if that's because he wants to give me the space to succeed or because he wants me to relax my guard and prove that a month in that place isn't long enough to fix someone like me.
Both, maybe. He's always been stupidly complex playing his games.
It doesn't matter. All I have to do is be more careful this time. I'm not suddenly straight because Father's imaginary sky-friend thinks I should be, but I can keep him from suspecting anything if I just don't give him reason to be suspicious. No more corrupting arts (ridiculous; singing something other than Amazing Grace didn't make me want to suck dicks, but fine, if that's what he needs to keep me from going back there), no more acting out of turn, no more shows of personality that might give me away. I'm almost old enough to get out of here. I can keep this up until then. And then Mom will--
I'm sorry I can't take lessons with you anymore. I'm not sure what Mom told you, but I just wanted you to know that I loved spending time with you at the opera house. It's always going to be important to me.
Does anyone actually use these kinds of forums anymore?
It hasn't been as bad as I thought it'd be. That counts as a silver lining, right?
Father is more distant than disgusted. He's watching me, closely, but at least right now he's pretending like he's not. I'm not sure if that's because he wants to give me the space to succeed or because he wants me to relax my guard and prove that a month in that place isn't long enough to fix someone like me.
Both, maybe. He's always been stupidly complex playing his games.
It doesn't matter. All I have to do is be more careful this time. I'm not suddenly straight because Father's imaginary sky-friend thinks I should be, but I can keep him from suspecting anything if I just don't give him reason to be suspicious. No more corrupting arts (ridiculous; singing something other than Amazing Grace didn't make me want to suck dicks, but fine, if that's what he needs to keep me from going back there), no more acting out of turn, no more shows of personality that might give me away. I'm almost old enough to get out of here. I can keep this up until then. And then Mom will--
She'll--
Well. Seeing what happened with my sister, I guess I already know what Mom will do.
I'll deal with that when it comes. Until then, head down, eyes forward, survive. And if Tobias Wagner tries to ruin everything again, stab him in his stupid ferret face.
I'm sorry I can't take lessons with you anymore. I'm not sure what Mom told you, but I just wanted you to know that I loved spending time with you at the opera house. It's always going to be important to me.
Does anyone actually use these kinds of forums anymore?
Ian
Date: 2019-02-07 02:00 am (UTC)Is everything okay?
Re: Ian
Date: 2019-02-07 02:06 am (UTC)Not really, no. I want to still come, but it's better if I don't piss them off right now.
Re: Ian
Date: 2019-02-08 12:12 am (UTC)If you need anything, or if you just want to talk, I'm here.
Mina
Date: 2019-02-09 02:57 am (UTC)