nola_eustace: (pic#12952166)
[personal profile] nola_eustace
Private

It's not avoiding someone if you have absolutely no reason to run into them. And I have NO reason to run into him, ever. Especially now.

So we snuck out. Kids our age sneak out all the time. So we went to a gay bar. He was just showing me around because he felt bad for me. I could feel it all night: he wasn't there because he wanted to be there with me. He was there because he was taking pity on the weird kid. He danced with me because that's what I wanted, not because it's what he wanted. He kissed me because he could tell I was practically starved for it. And when he looked at me like that, at the end--that was just the lights and me seeing what I desperately wanted to see.

Tobias has made it crystal clear that he doesn't like me. I bet he does stuff like that all the time.
I kind of hate that it meant so much to me.

I kind of hate him. Or at least, I hate that I can't hate him. I hate that when he was kissing me, in my head, he was my boyfriend; I was kissing my boyfriend.

God. Stupid. Stop.

Profile

nola_eustace: (Default)
nola_eustace

April 2019

S M T W T F S
 123456
78910111213
14151617181920
2122232425 2627
282930    

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jun. 10th, 2025 01:27 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios